Backwoods Home Security System

Another bit of email-lore. Some of these are interesting because they are clearly not transcriptions from the oral, but entirely new creations of their own kind.

> How to Install a Backwoods Home Security System

> 1. Go to a second-hand store and buy a pair of men’s used size 15 or 16 work boots.

> 2. Place them on your front porch, along with a copy of Guns & Ammo Magazine.

> 3. Put four giant dog dishes next to the boots and magazine.

> 4. Leave a note on your door that reads:

> Bertha, Duke, Slim & I went for more beer. We’ll be right back. Don’t mess with thuh pit bulls. They attacked thuh mailman yesterday and messed him up real bad. I don’t think Killer took part, but it was hard to tell from all thuh blood. Anyway, I locked all four of ’em in thuh house. Better wait outside, my friend, and don’t look in thuh winder, ’cause they get riled when thars sumbody lookin in thuh winder. I don’t wanna replace the door again.

> Be right back-

> Cooter